Like we need to suffer from any more guilt in our lives! Ammiright?!
Mom guilt became a real thing for me this last year of church planting, a full-time job and all the craziness of settling into our new city. It’s that feeling that I get when I’ve put other priorities over the priority of my son; something I don’t mean to do and am totally against.
For instance, he’s at that age where he wants to PLAY WITH SOMEONE! Which is so adorable and such a fun stage. But I find myself trying to check my email and play at the same time, which really turns into me checking my email and Obi crawling all over things, pulling my sweater or fussing for the TV because clearly, Mom is busy.
Or Sunday’s when he doesn’t wake up to Mom or Dad but to a friend who gets him ready in the morning and brings him to church because we head to church early (btw: I don’t actually think he cares about this because he loves our friend SO MUCH!).
Here are some ways I’ve learned to diminish mom guilt:
- Grace. I give myself grace. Because while he may have watched an episode or two more of Word Party than necessary, I feel so blessed that he and I can spend the day together. Many times our days are filled with business, but I remember that Obi is watching his mom work hard and live with purpose.
- I’ve learned when to stop working. I found myself getting frustrated with OBI but only in the moments when I’m trying to multitask. So I choose to remember he’s not my frustration but those moments are God reminding me of my priorities…so I literally close my computer with emails not yet answered and text messages on my phone not looked at and give him my full attention so HE SEES that I deliberately chose him over my work.
- Nanny Becca. I hired one of my good friends to come spend two days a week with Obi while I go work. I am very intentional with those 2 days so that I can get as much done as possible without any interruptions. So the days I’m with Obi, much of my work is done.
- I let other people have quality time and build a close relationship with Obi. While his Dad and I are the most important relationships he can have, I allow others who love our family and love our Obi to be and feel close to him too. They say it takes a village to raise your children. We live that mentality not only because it’s incredibly healthy and helpful in our season of life but because we believe in it! Obi is a happy and thriving little boy and I believe this has a lot to do with it!
- When I feel guilty, I get with Obi. I love on him. I get eye level with him. I give him my time and full attention. And I let that guilt go right out the window. 🙂
My little man bun angel!
I need one more day to recover from travel and preaching!
Here’s to 6 months at Kalos Church!!! So thankful for all God is doing!
The boys looking cool at the airport! HAHA!
Ever had one of those days during the blogrimage where you think….”This blog is so boring, I wouldn’t even read it if I didn’t have to write it?!”
That is me right now, mostly because we’ve been traveling and I have NOT been writing about what I intended to write about because of the craziness of travel this last week.
Tomorrow, I’m excited to get back on the horse and write more in depth about my thoughts during this last year.
Obi with his Aunty and Uncle in Los Angeles!
Today was a heavy day. Nothing that can be shared online but today I’m thankful for the beautiful love of Jesus and family.
Tomorrow we head home.
Obadiah has been an angel. What a joy he is to my heart. 🙂
Today in the midst of traveling with my family, I find blogging to be a discipline. Something in this moment that I need to check off my list so that when I do think about it I can realize I did it already and I don’t have to worry about it!
Isn’t that the best feeling sometimes?
Here is my son playing with his favorite toys, “rocks.”
We went Huntington Beach today with family. It was beautiful even though the sun wasn’t shining. Our hoodies and feet on the cold sand made me think of the Oregon Coast.
Thankful for family and the vastness of the ocean. There’s just something about it.
Obi is such a Seattle boy in Cali. 🙂
I’m taking a small break from writing about things I’ve learned this last year as a church planter, mom and experiencing loss because….
We’re in LA!
We’re not actually here on vacation contrary to what our photos look like.
More on that later.
We left our house at 4:00AM this morning! I should be taking a nap! But sermon prepping for Sunday while the boys sleep. Girls gotta preach!
Since Obi is 2, we had to buy him a ticket. The first one ever, although he’s been on many many flights in his first 2 years of life. I still think he couldn’ve passed for under 2! But we’re honest people. 🙂
LA is gorgeous right now! Weather is perfect. Sun is shining. We ate at Shake Shack for lunch on Hollywood Blvd.
The boys are in a tree in a canyon we hiked this morning.
I believe wholeheartedly that Pastor’s need friends.
The weird thing is, I was told that Pastor’s can really only be friends with each other and not with others, especially people in your church.
While I understand why Pastor’s hold themselves at arm’s length from people; a lot of times because we simply can’t be close to everyone, I think it’s more of a self-preservation thing. A careful fear-driven mentality so we don’t want to get hurt. And a lot of times our business is under a critical microscope because we are pastors. We’re vulnerable. Our children are vulnerable. And everyone has expectations of what a pastor and their family should look and be like. Not everyone shares those things with pastor’s very nicely….whether you asked for their opinion or not. 🙂
Pradeepan and I talk a lot about this and have chosen to go the messy route. Meaning, while it might be easier to set ourselves apart from friendship, people are valuable and important and we long for friendship just like anyone else.
In our moments of weakness and trouble, we need friendship. We not only want to be a support system for people, we also need a support system. We are not above the incredible beautiful thing that is friendship.
I’ll always need to use wisdom and be thoughtful about what I share with who but the truth is, everyone does.
Pastoring doesn’t have to be lonely. Being in leadership doesn’t have to be lonely. If it is, I think we’re doing something wrong. I’m not saying it’s easy…..but it is worth it.
The more I lean into trusting the good in people and be willing to be hurt by the bad in people, the more I feel like I’m doing what Jesus did.
He’s a PK and while that won’t be easy, I pray he has lots and lots of good friends around him and that HE would be a good example of true friendship himself.
Sunday’s are amazing at Kalos Church. Today was our 25th week and we are excited because our church feels alive! I’m so encouraged by that and last year before we ever started a church, I only dreamed about what week 25 would be like. God has far exceeded my expectations. I truly have no words. And I am a very wordy girl!
Sunday’s are also incredibly exhausting! Exhilarating but exhausting.
Winded down tonight with friends and sushi.
I’m signing off.
Happy day 4 bloggers. 🙂
My pacific northwest child loves being in nature!
This is a question I get a lot!
In fact, my friends and I tease each other because they’re all so anxious for us to have another baby and I keep telling them that I did my part and it’s THEIR turn to have a baby!
The answer to this question is pretty simple…
Would we like to have another baby? Yes!
Do we have a timeline in mind? Yes!
Do we think things will go according to our timeline? Maybe.
Does having birthed a brand new church have anything to do with the timeline? Yes!
Do you have trouble getting pregnant? No. Not that we know of from our past experiences.
Aren’t you getting too old? HAHA! Maybe. 🙂
Don’t you want your kids to be close in age? Yes-ish.
If you have another boy, will you try for a girl? One at a time people.
Will you still be a Pastor if you have more children? Yes!
Do you have baby fever? Often.
What are you waiting for? The right time. More time to settle into our new city. Finances. Stability in the church. God’s perfect timing.
Recently I had two different friends from Michigan text me two separate weeks that they had dreams I was pregnant. Those dreams must’ve meant something else because I can assure you, I am not pregnant and enjoying my time until baby #2 comes. 🙂
Flashback to being super pregnant with Obi!
And my Dad holding him for the first time at the hospital.